The Sweet Spot by Christine Carter Ph.D

The Sweet Spot by Christine Carter Ph.D

Author:Christine Carter, Ph.D. [Carter, Christine, Ph.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-553-39205-0
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2015-01-12T16:00:00+00:00


Turkle ends her book with a call to be more deliberate in our technology use. Technology can foster true connection, of course—Skype and Google Hangouts have been a real breakthrough for me in the way I connect with the people I work with. Deliberate technology use is about using technology strategically; for most of us, that means using it less. Here’s how:

Carve out sacred spaces to be truly present with your own feelings and the people you are with. See Chapter 5 for more about this, but the gist is to create technology-free zones and times in your life when you can pay mindful attention to what is happening in real time. Being really present with people means that when we are on the phone with them, we don’t do anything else. It means initiating real, face-to-face conversations with people, even though they can bring conflict, even though they can be tiring. When we are really present, we stop interrupting ourselves and others all the time. It might be gratifying to sneak a peek at your texts, but we don’t have to react to our devices all the time. We can command them instead of always letting them command us.

We can choose to act on our highest values rather than on our desire for gratification. The other day I was talking to my mom on the phone; she had been traveling in Cuba and I hadn’t seen or spoken with her in a while. She called in the middle of the workday, and I answered my cell phone at my desk. It was dang hard for me to stop going through my emails while she told me about her trip, so it was also difficult for me to really listen to her, even though I was just deleting promotional emails. But then I stopped myself, realizing that I was introducing dis-ease into my own life and into my connection with my mother. I also realized how annoyed I’d be if she was cleaning out her email inbox while I was telling her about a recent adventure. What hit me was that she would never do that: She values our relationship too much. She’s too interested in what I have to say. Ultimately, I changed my behavior because of my values. I stepped away from my computer with the conviction that my relationship with my mother deserved more than just 70 percent of my attention.

Practice being alone. When we don’t learn how to tolerate (and even relish) solitude, we often feel lonely. “Solitude—the ability to be separate, to gather yourself—is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments,” explains Turkle. “When we don’t have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we’re not able to appreciate who they are. It’s as though we’re using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self.”

Spend time alone at home and in the car unconnected.



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